A week of highs and lows...

But that's not unusual for mid March for me. My father died on March 18th when I was 14. It always brings about sporatic and spontaneous moments of sadness. On the other hand, my husband and I started dating 7 years ago today! I still remember him grabbing and holding my hand under the table while we drank green beer at the RATT...well, ok, *I* didn't drink green beer, but that's hardly the point.

So I immediately discontinued my formal attempts at losing weight. Meh. What are you going to do. I still want to lose weight, but it's been a hard month so I figure why make myself more stressed....

In "finally" news, I got up the nerve to tell my manager I wanted to switch groups....it didn't really go well (as I had expected it wouldn't), and I think he still thinks he's going to be my manager, but as my husband and some other coworkers tell me, the hard part is done. I'm excited to get working on new things and with new people, but it's also Friday, St. Patty's Day, and getting closer and closer to 5 o'clock....oh well. Another wasted day. :) At least a big group of us went to V For Vendetta for an early matinee! I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'd recommend it, but then again I don't know your tastes (whoever you are). It wasn't all action all the time, it was actually really dramatically interesting as well!

Well, that's it for me. I don't know what the weekend holds in store for me. Maybe I should watch a sad movie and bawl my eyes out so I'll stop spontaneously crying at work (thankfully I share an office with my husband). A coworker is currently very sick for reasons unknown, and it's eerily familiar for me, and unfortunately it gets worse as the 18th sneaks up on me....

I need to find me a mini horse to cheer him up...

Easily Overwhelmed

That describes me to a T. (aside: what is T? where does that come from?)

I seem to be unable to focus in my life. There are always many goals that I want to achieve, but I seem to lack the drive to follow through no matter how important it is to me. Of course, this isn't entirely true (I did raise $6000 for the CDA and walk a marathon afterall), but it's true enough to be bothersome.

I just signed up at www.sparkpeople.com, which is a free (yup, I didn't believe it either) online weight management thingie. It sounds fantastic. But darn it all, it requires me to count calories, and every time I put something in and see this gigantic spike in calorie numbers, I always freak and shy away! Perhaps I'm not quite at the "put effort into it" stage. I don't believe in the magic solutions like many people do, I know that there are probably a lot of health concerns with magic diet pills, or whatever. But truthfully? I wish I did....I wish I wasn't intelligent enough to know that if it's that easy it's probably got a catch...a catch that could be my health. I just want to be instantly skinny again! But I don't want to work for it! Hahaha...:(

So, just hours after signing up, I'm wondering if I'm going to follow through! It's so sad. It's a great program, and it encourages starting slowly...but the problem is, it sets a range for you to try to stay within for all sorts of stuff like calories, fat, protein, carbs, etc...and I can't help but want to try to achieve that on the first day, or I'm going to feel like a failure!! *sigh* Well, I'm still going to stick with my initial goals of cutting out pop completely, and walking every day. From there on? I don't know, I'll let you know how it goes. :)?

In other goal setting news that I feel incapable of achieving, I really want to achieve the darned cruise with Stampin Up...if not this year, then next...but I just can't see how! I'm such a terrible sales person! I'd practically spend all the money myself, but $60000 is expensive for a cruise even *if* it's all in stamping products...hehehe.

*sigh* I'm still unsure of this blog thing. Case in point: this post. It's so boring. Do I at least enjoy writing it? Hmmmm....

I'm no good at this sort of thing...

In truth? I'm not even sure why I'm here right now. I really enjoy reading blogs -- particularly blogs of friends old and new. Of course, then there are those blogs that I find just plain funny and speak to me in some sort of way that I spend most of my time saying "Yeah! Exactly! Me too!" in my head while I'm reading them....

I don't think I'm one of those people. Why would I write when I could read someone else's posts that can convey what I'm feeling so much better than I could. I *want* to be one of those people.... But I've never been that impressed with my writing skills. So consequently I've never wanted a blog...what if someone finds it and hates it?

I care way too much about what other people think to have a blog.

So why am I writing?

Guess it doesn't hurt that the only person who knows my blog exists -- and likely the only person reading this right now is an old high school friend that I haven't seen since I first started University -- so does that mean that Anonymity gives me freedom to be terrible without consequence? I guess we'll see, won't we....

I'm not sure you're right Lenni -- fear of rejection is a powerful thing.